Strength Through the Silence
by lovely-sorrow
Summary: Upon being told that she cannot remain a page, Kel feels that she has few options. However, fate has plans for Keladry of Mindelan, and they are anything but predictable.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is a reworking of an idea I had and started and never finished. The original story was published a few years ago under the username opal-169, and it was titled Silence. If you read that, you may recognize some plot points/ some characters. I did not plagiarize. I was the original author of that story. I hope you enjoy this. Also please please please review. Everyone who does gets a cookie. :)

Disclaimer: I am not Tamora Pierce. All that you recognize belongs to her. I'm just having fun with her characters.

The mess all was loud; filled with boys' laughter and boisterous end-of-the-year goodbyes. There was, however, one table where the laughter was quieter, the atmosphere was less celebratory, and whose occupants kept sending anxious glances toward one of their number.

Keladry of Mindelan was not unaware of her friends' concern, but she was unable to reassure them, just as she was unable to reassure herself. It was all she could do to keep her face blank and her emotions guarded, so as to prevent giving them an real reason to worry.

But sitting there and pretending everything was normal was difficult. Every mouthful sat heavily in her stomach, and Kel couldn't help constantly glancing up at the dais and the training master who sat there. She glanced, and she wondered, and then she looked again, hoping to glean answers from the set of his face and the merest glimpse of his eyes. Would this stern-faced man allow her her dream? Would he allow he to stay?

Kel pushed her tray away, unable to stomach another mouthful. Her friends looked at her, and then away, not wanting to ask if she was alright for fear that they would make it worse.

And then came the training master's announcement, his voice as hard and unyielding as the man himself.

"Keladry of Mindelan, please report to my office at the next bell."

Kel could feel the eyes of the whole mess hall on her, and she rose, whispering to her friends that she was going to her room and that she would see them later.

As she passed, Neal grabbed her arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and offering her a reassuring smile. Kel brushed past him without smiling back, afraid that if she cracked her mask all of her fear and nervousness would shine through. And she knew if Neal saw that, if he saw the hell she was in, he would never let her leave alone.

Kel had left dinner early, and the corridors were all but empty as she passed through them. Kel took solace in the silence, and she began to control her breathing and calm her racing heart. _ Mediation,_She thought, _ that's what I need right now. _

As Kel entered her room, she addressed her motley flock of sparrows "He'll have to let me stay It's the only honorable thing he can do. He has to, doesn't he?" But the bird remained silent, offering nothing but the skeptical glint in their beady black eyes.

Kel sat cross legged on her floor, having already determined that she needed the calm meditation would offer her. She could not spend the time until the next bell worrying about the future. She had been worrying too much lately, and she chided herself for allowing herself to become this emotional. _The Yamanis control their emotions_, she reminded herself. And then a treacherous voice whispered,_ But you aren't Yamani. You don't belong there. And if you can't stay here, where will you belong? Nowhere._ Trying to drown out these thoughts, Kel threw herself deep into meditation, repeating the mantra

_I am the stone at the heart of the earth, strong and untouchable. I am the water of the mighty ocean, vast and unknowable. I am the winter wind, fierce and unstoppable. No one can change my nature, for it is as strong as the oak and as flexible was the willow. _

Kel's mind focused, and she felt renewed in her conviction that Wyldon would allow her to stay. For she knew that he was an honorable and chivalrous man, and so what choice did he have. She had earned her place here among the pages.

The obtrusive clanging of the bells interrupted Kel's reverie, but the meditation had done its work and she was ready for this. She clung to the serenity that the mediation had offered her, and as she stood to leave, she told the sparrows "You'll see, it will be alright"

As Kel walked through the hallways, she knew that she was being watched. She could feel the stares and the morbid curiosity of the servants, and the smugness of many of her fellow pages. She did not think her friends were watching her walk this gauntlet, for she knew that it would perhaps be harder for them than for her. For all her reassurances, she knew that they were sure that she would be sent home. Kel was positive that they were wrong.

As Kel neared her destination, she found her way suddenly blocked. Joren had emerged from the shadows. He was beautiful, as always, but his beauty was marred by the scowl he wore and the glint of hatred in his icy eyes.

"I don't have time for this Joren," Kel said, her voice quiet but firm.

"Oh don't worry Lump, this wont take long," Joren have a derisive laugh. "I've just got a going away present for you."

And with that, Joren's fist met Kel's eye, and before Kel could punch back, Joren was walking away. As Kel approached Joren's retreating back, he turned and sneered, "That's the last you'll hear from me. I won't sully my name, or my fist, by consorting with the whore who thought she could be a knight. Or maybe you never thought that at all. You just wanted an opportunity to spread your legs for Tortall's richest, didn't you? You knew you never really had a chance."

Kel was fuming and angry and hurt, but she was also late for her meeting with Lord Wyldon and she did not have the time to fight Joren. So she turned and walked past him without a word, masking her face and her emotions.

Soon, too soon, Kel had reached Wyldon's office. She knocked, and opened the door at his call of "Enter, Mindelan".

Lord Wyldon inclined his head toward the chair, saying " Have a seat, Keladry."

"If its all the same to you sir, I'd rather stand," Kel replied, not wanting to prolong this meeting with pleasantries. Kel lloked up, meeting the training master's eyes, dark and hard in a lined and worn faced. It was a warrior's face with warrior's eyes, and Kel quailed at the conviction she saw in its stern contours. A flicker of doubt nagged her mind, and she was unable to remain silent and said bluntly "Sir, we both know why I am here. And we both know that one of us is going to be unhappy with the results of this meeting,and I'd rather just get it over with."

"As you wish," Wyldon replied.

"Keladry, I speak to you as I would to one of my own daughters. The road to knighthood is not one designed to be trod by a woman. It goes against chivalry itself for me to allow you to stay. There is no way to deny that, not when you stand here with a fresh bruise darkening around your eye. It will be a sad day for Tortall when the men cannot keep their women from being bruised. I must insist that you find a different path to follow, one more suited to your sex."

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, Kel asked "So I may not return?"

"No, Mindelan, You may not. And though I know you do not see the wisdom of my decision now, I truly believe that one day you will thank me for this."

Kel turned to leave, unable to utter a word. As she excited the office, she heard the training master call, "Mindelan" Kel turned, looking back at Lord Wyldon. " I would that you had been born a boy. And that is the truth. "

Kel turned and left, feeling her Yamani mask crumbling to pieces. Kel jogged through the hallways, almost sprinting, needing to be back to th e privacy of her room before falling apart.

Finally, Kel reached her room and forced her name through a too-tight throat. She rushed into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Kel's control was gone, along with her mask. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, and she did not even hear the sound of her grief. Kel's eyes fell on the waving cat statues lining her mantel, and she snorted derisively. "Some luck," she sneered. She picked the statues up one by one and threw them across the room, reveling in the crash they made as the porcelain shattered. "How could he, ?" she ranted to her sparrows, who watched with somber eyes. " I thought he was honorable. I thought he would see that I deserved to stay."

Kel kept crying, unable to stop the flood of tears caused by a shattered dream. She cried herself to utter exhaustion and slept with the tearstains not yet dry on her face.

Kel woke early after a night of little rest. She knew that she could not even stay the day. To see the pages going about their day, knowing that she would no longer be one of their number would be more than she could handle.

So she woke, and dressed, and exited her room for the last time. She walked to Neal's door, and knocked until he opened it. Neal was clad in only a loincloth, and he was wiping the sleep from his eyes. As he opened the door, he was grumbling "Who is knocking on my door at the _ungodly _ hour?" But when his eyes feel on Kel, her eyes still red from weeping, he feel silent.

"Oh Kel -" He began, but Kel interrupted.

"Don't say anything, Neal. Nothing can make this better. Just promise me -,' Kel's voice was choked with unshed tears and she had to force the rest of her sentence out. " Promise me that you'll take care of the sparrows. And that you'll eat your vegetables."

Neal nodded, not knowing how else to respond. Kel held out her had, offering the last unbroken Yamani cat to him.

"And Neal, " she whispered "Promise me you won't forget me."

And Neal pulled Kel into a hug, holding her tight, and whispered. "I promise. I promise , Kel"


	2. Chapter 2

That first morning in her parents' Corus townhouse, Kel was up with the dawn, for old habits died hard. But unlike all the mornings in the palace, Kel did not force her body to leave the warm hollow of her bed, did not challenge her strength, did not pick up a glaive or sword. Instead she lay there, reaching for the oblivion of sleep, for the return of dreams unbroken. But Kel's body was hard, unwilling to change its rhythms, and she soon gave up on sleep and rose.

Kel dressed, wearing the gown expected of the daughter of a noble house living in Corus. She felt strange, knowing that this morning was what she could expect out of her future. From this point forward, she would be expected to dress is gowns, to help with the running of the household, and to prepare for a marriage advantageous to her family and fief. Kel suppressed an involuntary shudder caused by these thoughts, forcing her mind toward happier things. Her parents were planning a return to the Yamani Isles in two years. Perhaps they would allow her to accompany them, to make a future as one of the women of the Yamani warrior class. Kel shook her head, as if to dislodge these thoughts. "Don't get your hear set on anything" she whispered to herself, for she never wanted to experience the pain of a denied dream again.

_ Besides, I failed_, a treacherous voice whispered in her mind. _Wyldon was right to dismiss me. I didn't work hard enough. I couldn't convince him that I belonged there. I don't deserve at second chance at becoming a warrior. _This voice leached venom into her mind, poisoned her inner strength, her unshakable calm, her power. Kel resolved that she would live her life day by day, trying to forget about her dreams of knighthood.

Kel fell into the rhythm of life with her family. She woke, she dressed, she helped her mother with the household accounts, all while ignoring the comments of her sisters-in-law. She didn't care that they thought she looked like a cow, just as she didn't care to learn about the intricacies of attracting a husband. Kel kept busy, and she did her part in the house, but her once-bright eyes were now dull, no longer a dreamer's hazel eyes. She didn't smile, and she allowed herself to become isolated. And she did not notice the concerned glances and whispered conversations of her parents, and she was unsuspecting when they approached her with their plans.

They found her when she was hunched her account books, her hands ink stained and her eyes dull. Their faces were schooled into Yamani blandness, and when her father spoke, it was in the voice of a diplomat, quiet and well-reasoned.

"Kel, we're worried about you," he began, his eyes softening when he glanced at his youngest daughter.

"You can't keep on like this, living without purpose. If you have decided that you wish to leave fighting behind you and pursue life as a noblewoman, we will support you. But only if that is what you truly want."

Kel's other broke in, her voice deep and melodious, "but if you so desire, you may return with us to the Yamani Islands, when we travel there in a few years. If this is the path you want to take, decide now, so we can continue your training here."

"Kel," her father began," we just want you to be happy. We know that you aren't happy. We miss our bright-eyed girl."

Kel looked up at her parents, feeling the hope rise within her, and then forcing herself to push it down. "I think it is been proven that I am unfit to become a warrior. I was not strong enough to forge a place for myself in the palace, and I cannot expect to perform better in the Isles. I will not be a disgrace to my family. I will become a lady, and a credit to our fief and our bloodline."

and as her parents nodded, hiding their feelings of disappointment, Kel smothered the inner voice that called her a traitor to herself.

"In that case, it would be best for you to study in a convent in the City of the Gods," her mother told Kel.

Kel cursed as the carriage hit yet another bump. She was on her way to the convent, in the city of the gods. Kel was trying to forget the past year, and block the painful memories from her mind, in an attempt to sever her old life from her new. She was dressed plainly, in a dress that could have passed for a servants if not for the quality of the cloth. Kel had not seen the point of dressing in an elaborate gown when the only thing that would see her was the inside of a carriage.

" We be entering hill country now," the driver told her " watch for ban-" His words were cut off by a thumping sound, the sound of an arrow hitting flesh, and a strangled cry.

Kel tore the curtain away from the small carriage window, and gasped at what she saw. Men, bandits, wearing ragged, torn clothing had surrounded the carriage and all Kel had to defend herself with was a small belt knife.

"Wolsin, go inside and see what we caught. Don't kill her, maybe she'll be worth something." Kel heard the leader order, and at those words Kel knew she could not tell them she was a noble, for these men had been rendered penniless by nobles, and harbored great hatred against them.

The carriage door banged open, and the man, Wolsin, leered in at her. " Well, you're a pretty young thing aren't you. Built a bit like a cow, but still, I'm not fussy."

And with that Wolsin throw his rough arms around her and pulled her, struggling onto his lap. He smelled of sour wine and ale, and when he smiled his teeth were rotten, slimly, and disgusting. It was hard to guess his age from looking at him, but he was at least twice Kel's age.

" Now, What's your name and what do ye be doin' in such a fancy carriage. I mean you certainly ain't no lady."

He waited for Kel to respond, but she was silent, unwilling to let her anger out, and knowing nothing she cold say would help her. " Answer me wench!" Wolsin snarled, and when Kel made no sound, he pulled back his hand and slapped her hard across the face, leaving a bright red handprint. " You should learn to obey me, or I'll do much worse." Wolsin learn in towards Kel's face, leering, and she could smell his rank breath. She struggled again still trying to get out of Wolsin's grasp, and out of his lap. He smiled at her struggling, placed his free hand under the skirt of Kel's dress, and slowly started to move his hand up the bare skin of Kel's leg.

Kel struggled harder, but she was in such and odd position on Wolsin's lap, she could do nothing to make him let go. She started to pull her knife, but Wolsin, seeing what she was dong knocked the weapon from her hand.

Then, when Kel had given up all hope, the carriage door once again banged open. Wolsin stopped the movement of his hand, but did not remove it from Kel's skirt, as he looked at the man in the doorway. Kel flushed at anyone seeing her this way, disheveled and with a man groping her, but Wolsin showed no shame.

" Wolsin, the chief wants your report of any goods in the carriage", the newcomer said in a bland tone..And as Wolsin removed his hand from Kel and allowed her to collapse on th floor, he added

" And you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean she's barely more than a child, this chit"

Wolsin snarled at the man as he left the carriage, but did not respond. Once Wolsin was gone, the man offered Kel a hand to help her get up and said. " I am Jac"

But Kel, already resolved to be silent, did not respond.


	3. Chapter 3

Kel took Jac's hand and got up, smoothing her dress as she did so. Despite the fact that Jac had introduced himself, she did not state her name, or anything about what had happened. Kel felt dirty where Wolsin had touched her, and grateful that it had gone no farther. She was no stranger to the pain that could be inflicted on an unprotected woman, having heard the stories of maids in the palace who had been assaulted by men.

Jac was young, a few years older than Neal, with dark hair and striking blue eyes.

" I'm sorry, miss", he said, " but I must tie your wrists. It would be best if you did not struggle." Kel weighed her options; if she resisted, there were twenty bandits who would do what ever they wished with her, and then kill her. Mutely, Kel held out her hands. Jac wrapped a rough rope around her crossed wrists, trying the knot firmly, but not cutting off Kel's circulation.

"You'll have to walk outside the carriage. The leaders will want to ride." Kel exited the carriage, not wanting to provoke her captors. Jac, with an apologetic glance toward Kel, ties the free end of the rope that bound her wrists to the side of the carriage. Kel would be forced to keep up or be dragged along with the carriage.

Kel tried to calm herself, to be stone, and be rational about her situation. She attempted to be a still lake, but was instead a river of raging thoughts and emotions.

Kel watched as the leaders of the bandits climbed inside her- now their, carriage. She heard the cruel crack of a whip on the horses backs and the carriage began to move. Kel had to trot to keep up with the carriage, and though she was in good shape, her skirt weighed her down and she sincerely hoped that there was not long to go.

The bandits who were not privileged enough to ride in the carriage rode or walked in a loose half circle behind the vehicle, jeering and laughing whenever Kel stumbled. Kel's Mask covered her face, and no emotion showed.

Soon Kel's leg's were burning, and it was all she could do to keep p with the carriage. Whenever she fell behind, the coarse rope bit into her wrists leaving deep welts. Just when she was about to collapse from pain, shock, and exhaustion, the carriage stopped.

They party had arrived at a small encampment. There were twenty or so rough huts, and a single well. Thee were stocks and a whipping post, and Kel's insides boiled when she looked at them, for she knew that they were commonly used.

Kel slumped down against the carriage, her legs to exhausted to hold her weight. She closed her eyes and slid into the blissful sleep of one truly exhausted. She started awake when the carriage shook and the bandit leaders climbed out, laughing and shouting loudly. Noticing her, on asked,

"What about the girl?"

Then men pondered for a second, and the man who was clearly the head chief of the bandits said

"We will keep her and the man amongst us who will bid the most coin for her will become her master, her owner." And still Kel was silent.

* * *

><p>Kel's vision seemed almost hazy with tiredness and tears that would never be allowed to fall. She heard men talking but could not seem to make sense of what they were saying. Then she felt a sharp tug on the rope that bound her, but still did not move, not comprehending anything.<p>

_Stop this!\You're strong, the daughter of a revered Yamani warrior. Mama fought off pirates. This is nothing compared to that. _Kel tried to tell herself. _But you couldn't keep up. You'll never be a knight! __you fail-_A sharp slap broke Kel from her thoughts, and rough hands shoved her onto an old wooden crate.

"Who will pay for her?" the lead bandit announced, his voice smug in th thought he would have a few coins to spend on getting drunk tonight.

"Come on men! She's strong,healthy, _female"_ The man leered at her.

Kel shut her eyes, knowing that she could do nothing while bound and displayed like this. She sunk into the calm of meditation, imagining that she was stone, that these men could do nothing to her, that they were merely ants crawling over her surface. They would soon be gone, but she would remain, timeless.

The bandit's voices faded out, and Kel did not strive to hear;she did not want to know who would own her, who would be her master. So she was silent; she did not whimper, or cry or beg. She became stone.

Suddenly Kel stumbled, and she realized that she had been pulled off the crate. She looked up, and saw that Wolsin was approaching, a satisfied smile on his wide face. She looked around, and saw Jac with his head in his hands, and surmised that he had bid too, trying to spare her this.

"Come on girl, You're mine now!" Wolsin growled,roughly grabbing the rope from the other bandit's hands. Kel's legs were leaden from the long run she had been forced to endure, and she was practically dragged behind Wolsin as he lead her to his tent

He tied the rope that bound her to a badly scratched wooden chair, the only piece of furniture besides a low mattress. Kel glared at him, hoping he would not try to repeat what he had done in the carriage. This time Jac would not be there to save her. But she would not speak.

Seeing her glare, Wolsin chuckled, and then he said, "No, I won't take you now. Not yet, my dear. You're still a child, as Jac so kindly pointed out to me. No, I'll wait until you bloom, and then I'll pinch that flower right off its vine. Until then, you're nothing more than a servant to me. And I don't care if you're mute, or if you won' talk for some reason. I like my women silent; it's there place to listen and obey, not to speak. Oh, and if I ever here of you giving what is mine to another man, I'll have you put naked into those stocks out there and flayed within and inch of your life. Understand?'

Kel nodded, relieved that no harm would come t her today.

"Oh, and no food for you for awhile. We need to slim you down a bit.", Wolsin looked at her body in distaste, mistakenly thinking that Kel's muscle was fat.

* * *

><p>Life in the bandit's camp was a deary experience for Kel, lacking all of the color and vibrancy she had experienced as a page in the palace. Her days were monotonous, and always full of insults and slurs. In the weeks that she had been installed at the bandit camp, she still had not uttered a word, and her new master, Wolsin, seemed perfectly content wit that state of things. Nor was he bothered by the fact that he did not have any other name to called her than "Girl!"<p>

Kel's opinion of her new master - how she shuddered at the word, even in her thoughts, was poor. He was a pig- short and simple. Although he had not attempted to touch Kel since her first night in the camp, she had no faith that that would continue. She slept as far as possible from him in the small hut that Wolsin called home, despite the fact that Wolsin offered, with a leer on his rank and sweating face, to share his mattress with her, provided she made it worth his while. Kel, although always disgusted, never voiced her feelings, and curled up in the far corner of the hut.

As her routine began again one morning, Kel rose with the sun, the grey-stained sky an apt compliment to her mood. "Girl!", Wolsin moaned form his stinking mattress,too lazy to raise form his bed. " get the fire going. Gather kindling if you must." As Kel was walking away from the the hovel, she heard that hated voice call after her " Don't forget whose collar you wear."

Kel fingered the rough leather that circled her throat, feeling the tangible buzz of the magic that coating the leather. If she tried to escape, or inadvertently wandered outside of a mile radius of the camp, the leather would constrict, cutting off Kel's air, and resulting in her death. Kel's neck where the collar sat was red and inflamed, but she supposed that it could have been worse.

Kel approached the trees, her eyes searching the ground for kindling, just wishing to complete her task as quickly as possible. Suddenly, she was grabbed from behind. Instinct took over; years with the Yamanis and her single year as a page did not fade overnight, and she threw her attacker away from her. She found herself looking into the confused face of Jac, and felt the need to apologize. But she could not speak. He merely looked at her, and began to laugh. His eyes were kind as he said, "Someone has secrets."


	4. Chapter 4

Kel felt frozen, and though she opened her mouth to speak, to protest that she had been hiding nothing, no sound came out. The moment passed and Kel's mouth closed, but Jac's eyes had caught the instinctual movement, and he knew that Kel's silence was a choice - she was not mute.

"I won't make you speak, although I suspect that you could if you wanted to. Nor will I tell Wolsin that his slave has been hiding some pretty substantial hand to hand combat skills - " Jac's words were cut off by the protestation that immediately became apparent to him in Kel's eyes.

He chuckled, and continued " Trust me, I know the look of someone trained in the palace. Don't even try to convince me otherwise. Although I don't know how a girl like you would have come by such skills. Ah well, no matter. Rest easy, I won't tell Wolsin, and the gods know that I'll sleep easier knowing that you aren't completely helpless in his grasp." Then, with a kind smile, he turned and left, leaving Kel to reflect on what had just happened and to finish gathering her kindling.

Kel's days continued onward in the same pattern for some time , but somehow Jac wormed his way in. He would linger in the woods while Kel gathered kindling, or fish in the stream when she did the washing. He was, somehow, a friend to Kel in this dreary existence, and she did not question it. Rather, she clung to his smiles and kind words like a drowning man, as they were the only shreds of kindness that she found in this place.

But smiles and kind words could not protect her from Wolsin's jeers or his searching fingers or his fists. Many nights, he would return to his hut stumbling, drunk. His eyes, glassy and cruel, would find Kel curled in her corner of the hut. Sometimes, she would just have to endure his gaze. Other times, she was not so lucky, and she would face his angry fists or, worse, in her opinion, his fingers caressing her face. She shuddered with the knowledge that they would not be satisfied with just her face for long.

On the morning after a particularly violent night, Kel emerged from the hut with a gash on her cheek and bruised ribs that made her wince with every step. Jac had been practicing his hand to hand combat nearby, and when he noticed Kel's awkward gait and injured face, he followed her into the woods.

"I want to know what happened to you," he called out after her.

Kel turned, and though she acknowledged him, she did not speak.

Jac sighed, "Alright. If you still won't speak to me, at least let me help you. Come here."

Kel, eyes questioning, obeyed.

"If you still refuse to speak, even to me, I think that I can trust you with my secret," Jac whispered, and held a hand that sparkled with green light. His fingers, soft and gentle, brushed over the wound on Kel's face, and it closed.

"It'll leave a scar," Jac whispered apologetically. "I don't have the skill to prevent that."

Kel, wanting both the thank him and to make him feel better about his skills, placed her hand on his heart and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Well if I had known that this was all I had to do to get a kiss, I'd have told you my secret long ago," Jac laughed. "Now, where else are you hurting? I want to help."

Kel felt a blush coming as she began to raise her shirt to show Jac her injured ribs, but she forced it back with her mask.

Jac let out a low whistle as he saw the bruising of her chest. "He really did a number on you, huh? Is it always this bad?" Kel merely offered a shrug and a rueful smile in response, and then sighed in relief as Jac's Gift eased her pain.

As the tiredness that always followed a healing struck Kel and as she fought a losing battle against eyelids that were determined to close, she caught Jac's bright eyes and felt a sudden longing for the intense green eyes of the other young healer she had known. And as Kel drifted to sleep thinking of and missing Neal, Jac gently wiped away the single tear that had leaked from Kel's eye and whispered "One day, I will hear you speak. I promise you that, my darling silent girl."


End file.
